Saturday almost got lost in an avalanche of melancholy. I spent the day in a state of hyper alert sleeplessness. I wanted sleep. I wanted to curl up in my yellow bed and forget the world was happening. Maybe it was the yellow sheets or last weeks rise and falls but I kept waiting for something, anything to happen. My room was building up in mess, eating got pushed to the sideline as I sat and tried to pull the world where I wanted it.
I will give myself that, while I have yet to get what I asked for. I asked. I reached out and laid my cards on the table. I did the scary dear world, I stepped up and I said this is me and I'm looking for you and then I did everything in my power to start letting go.
Finally after hours of waiting, chatting, pointless emails and doodle god something snapped. I stopped pushing and let the world happen around me. I didn't close myself away and make the world come find me - I just stopped pushing and the world delivered. Motivation and company were found at exactly the right time and I went for a walk. A ramble in the park and I enjoyed the setting sun on the duck pound, the feeling of dusk as it wraps around the park . It was lovely.
I don't have a third solid way I found Katrine on Saturday other then I road the avalanche and in the end I came out even. I didn't get lost, buried or defeated. I win by default.
Love me anyway.
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