I do realize this is not Mr. **** email address, however I do not have his email address and this is the only email address on the Fax sent to me. If you could please make sure Mr. **** receives this email I would be most grateful.
Dear Mr. ****,
My name is ****. I am emailing you in regards to claim # ********* I know you don't know me and you have no reason to care about me, my story of my family. However when I lay in a hospital bed unconscious and unable to sign my consent to the forms you needed to approve the claim that some had promised my mother would go through nobody told my mother my lack of signature would be a problem. I was in the ICU for over a week and I was in the hospital for a month. You had your fellow employees and plenty of time to let me and my mother know my signature was needed.
I hate you Mr ****. I hate you for the amount of pressure and stress you have put on my mother, my mother who loves me but does not support me financially and can not pay this hospital bill. I hate you for calling me while I was in the hospital in the Canada demanding my attention and asking me questions that I could not answer. I hate that somewhere along the line promises and reassurances made to my mother were forgotten.
I understand that any smart traveler would have had travel insurance, I realize that any rational 22 year old would not have tried to kill them selves on Boxing Day thus resulting in a extend hospital stay racking up huge bills. Yet clearly I am not a smart nor rational 22 year old. Most of all I hate that dealing with this on top dealing with my recent diagnoses of BPD and having to find a way to pay the rent, and find the money for new medication, and find a way to get to groups for and doctors appointments. I hate that every time I start filling in the forms all I can think about is that I wish I had died that first night in the emergency room. I wish I had died and that I wouldn't have to deal this and my mother wouldn't have to add one more things to her list of things to worry about. I hate that every time I think about this form I have to resubmit because it missed my stupid worthless signature makes me hate myself.
It does you know Mr. ****, it makes me hate myself for wanting to die, for living, for feeling the way I do every day. I have to fight to find reasons to keep living. I have a years of recovery a head of me and I have lot to focus on. I hate you for making this harder. I hate that I want to die right now so my organs can be sold and hopefully raise enough to pay of this stupid bill.
I hate you. All I want to do is curl up, close my eyes and never open them ever again. You, you Mr. ***** make that worse. Make that 100 times worse. I'm sorry for this disrespectful and emotionally charged email ... but you know what I hate you. I hate that people you work with lied to my family. I just hate so many things right now.
Really though, the main reason I'm writing you this email is to let you know that I'm slowly gathering up all the required information and will send it off to you as soon as I'm able to. I also want to let you know that after paying for my medication and the rent for next month I have less the $50 in my account in a Canada. I have an account in Bermuda it has about $200. It's also an account I only use while in Bermuda. So I have no idea how I'm going to pay for my medication next month, I don't know how the end of May comes I'll pay rent, I'm not sure how I'll pay the bill and so god forbid next time I'm in your hospital - please put a note on my file that they should let me die.
Because my biggest concern right now is that I'm not sure how I'm going to convince myself to keep living.
- ****
* Names taken out or changed to 'protect' the stupid, the guilty and the pathetic.
Love me anyway?
