Little things to find K -Day Three -

I did more then three things today. I did countless small little things to find Katrine. I worry that going so big that on days when I can only do three things I'll feel guilty. This project isn't supposed to be about guilt. It's supposed to be about map making and highlighting the light.

Thursday was stretched out and full of sleeping, a little dreaming. To show what I brought to Thursday I am going to break it down the big/little things that got done.

1. Reclaimed my room.

* Cleaned, organised and tidied my room, even did a bit of decorating)

* Folded and put away laundry.

* Unpacked the big box.

2. Acknowledge the good I had done (with my room.)

* I'm struggling to put this into words. To explain the background off needed to stop and acknowledge that I did something and it's good. So after I finished cleaning my room I stopped and I broke it down. I acknowledged that I had done a good job self motivating and that I now had a clean room to enjoy. I sighed with relief because I had done all that and felt a small sense of accomplishment. It was also aw inspiring that this cleaning spree did not come from a manic place, a angry place, or as part of any 'evil' plan. It's something that needed to be done and I did it- and it's okay. In someways walking myself through that thought process was harder then cleaning my room.

3. Gave my self permission to interact.

*Often my first choice is to want to be around people and then hide in my room anyway. I broke that pattern by finding not my mister in the basement and joined him for most of a movie. A rare kind of treat that I should try to do more often. I have to remind myself he's not that scary.

*Called someone shiny for coffee or dinner.

4. Asked for help when I thought I needed it.

* The joy of having a platonic wife and a star is often complicated by life, but still very much enjoyed.

*Spent time talking with my mum who let me unravel parts of my thoughts before she had to rush off and I had to go to sleep.

5. Allowed my self to sleep.

* Both after a day off not sleeping and then later that night when I went to sleep before 11pm .

* I also let myself walk away from a good time because I knew I was getting sleepy and while watching Angel episodes with not my mister was fun I thought my bed wanted me more.

6. Left the house just to go fruit shopping.

*Enjoyed picking out food for the next few days.

*Took time to just enjoy the walk even with the slight pains.

7. Wrote this blog.

*Breaking down and sharing the little things from my day and trying to highlight them as wonderful things that I have done makes me feel a bit silly. I am not so self absorbed that I think anything I did yesterday was truly out there. It's so easy to judge oneself, to undermine all that we do for ourselves. In lots of ways in all the ways my life is hard, it's also pretty easy. Right now I just have to breath, tomorrow I'll start walking and one day I'll dance again. I want to down play the breathing, I want to punish myself for not walking, not dancing in life. The sidelines are boring. But you know what, not breathing is scary and fighting for air isn't easy. Not at first. Not all the time.

My name is Katrine and I'm breathing - all on my own. Love me anyway.